


Lost

by Kattwyllie



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Marriage, Miscarriage, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:36:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26004286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kattwyllie/pseuds/Kattwyllie
Relationships: Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Reader, Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./You
Kudos: 16





	Lost

“Sonny!!” Your voice rang out through the apartment, he jumped at first, dropping the spatula in concern, thinking something was wrong, he hustled into the bedroom, sliding into the doorway of the ensuite.

“Doll ya okay??” He could see a glimmer of tears in your eyes, not quite able to make out what you were holding, moving closer to you.

“Yeah..” You nodded, extending your hand out, pregnancy test in hand, two little pink positive lines streaking across the little window. “Baby I’m pregnant..” An excited yelp escaped his lips, adorably dopey grin breaking out on his cheeks as he seized you in a bear hub, picking you up off the ground, attempting to twirl you in the limited space of the bathroom. You let out a shriek of a giggle, wapping against his shoulder to get him to put you down, leaving your hands linked behind his neck when he did. 

“Ya for real?” He beamed down at you, warm blue eyes sparkling with tears of pure joy. You’d been married for just over a year, and had started trying nearly immediately after the honeymoon. You previously had been on birth control, the doctor said it could take a bit longer because of that, and to keep trying for now, and gave a timeline of when to come back if there wasn’t any luck.

“Yeah…I mean, I’m two weeks late, and..” You gestured to the test, “I’ll get checked tomorrow to be sure.”

“We’re gonna have a baby…” Sonny felt like his face was about to split with how big his smile was, you let out a small laugh, a happy tear streaking down your face. He swiped it away with his thumb as he cupped your cheek, kissing you with impossibly soft lips, the love and adoration spilling between you. Sonny’s lanky arms wrapped around you, tucking you right under his where you fit like a glove, feeling impossibly full of love and happiness.

***

The moment you’d met Sonny Carisi you knew were about to fall head over heels in love, he quite literally bumped into you in a hallway at Mercy where you worked as paediatrics’ nurse. You were walking up to the nurses station to start your shift as he was ambling his way out of the hospital after spending literally the entire night with vic, he’d been so tired, focussed on his phone he didn’t see you at all and ended up spilling your brand new (thankfully iced) coffee all over you. After apologizing profusely, awkwardly bumbling over his words he finally met your gaze, surprised at the smile on your face and sparkle in your eye. You laughed it off, saying there were always extra scrubs, and exchanged introductions, you wished him a nice day with a soft wink that left him completely flushed before going to change. You were going through charts when he approached the nurses station, a full cup of your regular order from the coffee cart. You thanked him, a soft grin on face, humming at the taste of the caffeinated beverage, joking that he should let _you_ buy _him_ a coffee sometime. Benson then popped up, saying they had to go, his face fell, but he was quick to dig out his card, telling you to give him a call.

Your relationship was very quick to bloom, especially considering you both worked wonky schedules that could include all nighters or getting called in at completely random hours. You took every spare moment you could, more than willing to spend your dinner break on a bench outside the hospital with some of his homemade ravioli, laughing at the silly stories he had to tell you, animated up like a little kid while he talked. 

It wasn’t long before you’d been introduced to the entire Carisi clan, Sonny didn’t miss the shining you took to the little ones (made sense since that was part of your job), a look of complete bliss took over his face while he watched you chase them around the yard in a game of tag. It was on the drive home that he asked if you wanted to have kids, you nearly laughed saying that of course you did, you knew he was going to make the most incredible father, and you couldn’t wait to experience it. It became a frequent habit of yours to bring coffee or lunch down to the precinct, especially on days you knew he was swamped in a case and would probably forget to eat, and he always made sure to take at least five minutes of his time to attend to you, sending you off with a gentle kiss and an incredibly heartfelt _‘I love you’._

When he proposed he was so incredibly nervous he stumbled over his words, feeling the flush creep up his neck when you let out a little giggle, pouncing into his arms with enough force to knock him onto his back, meeting his lips in a fiery kiss and an _‘Of course I’ll marry you, you goof.’_ The wedding of course had been an extravagant affair, a full Catholic ceremony at the Carisi’s church, followed by an intimate yet stunning reception in their backyard. You lost track of how many times Sonny told you how beautiful you looked, tears filling both of your eyes throughout the entire celebration, so lost in love you barely noticed the other guests. You were beyond eager to start your new life together. 

Then those two little pink lines popped up in your lives, meaning it was time to take the next step in your journey together. Sonny was bursting in an attempt to keep it a secret. Amanda had gotten it out of him within 2 minutes when he sat down, all she had to do was ask why he looked like a kid who’d just been told they were going to Disneyland and he spilled the beans. Both sets of parents were the next to know (which naturally meant the entire Carisi clan knew) and then the smaller gifts started to flow in, or trips to the store, recommendations on what each couple had liked best for their own kiddos. 

Sonny and you spent a few hours fawning over onesies and cute little outfits, he couldn’t get over just how adorably tiny baby shoes were! He did his best to get home from work at an hour that matched yours to make the most incredibly delicious dinner that he could, wanting to not miss any important moment of your pregnancy. He held your hair back while your morning sickness was at it’s worst, making sure to always add a sleeve of saltines into your work bag before you left for the day. While you relaxed on the couch he had his hands on your stomach, the teeniest of a bump forming, softly rubbing back and fourth. He constantly talked to the little bean, telling it all the ridiculous stories he’d told you when you’d first met, telling it how much momma and daddy loved them. You were both so excited, and had already received so many hand me down’s that you started putting the nursery together. A change table, a handful of toys, clothes and books had come from older siblings, Olivia, Amanda and couple of your coworkers. 

The day came for the OB appointment where you’d find out the sex, and you were both ecstatic to finally find out, both your nursing team and the squad had bets on whether it was going to be a girl or a boy. Since you worked at a hospital, it made sense that the resident OB there was your doctor, rather than trying to find a new one somewhere else in the city. You gave Sonny a very loving kiss, telling you how much you loved him, and couldn’t wait to see him at 2:15 when he dropped you off for work. In response he pecked your face full of kisses, causing you to break out in a fit of giggles telling him you were going to be late. He gave your hand a soothing squeeze as you jumped out of the truck. You’d been with a patient when you felt your phone start to buzz, ignoring it to finish your work before stripping off your gloves, pulling the device out of your pocket you saw a couple of missed calls from your husband. Calling him back you waited three rings before he answered.

“Doll?”

“Yeah Sonny?”

“Sweetheart, I’m _so sorry!_ ” You could hear the sound of the siren in the background, “We caught a pretty intense case and things are all hands on deck right now, I can’t make it, I’m so so sorry doll.” On top of the siren you could hear the apologies and sadness in his face, you smiled into the phone.

“Baby it’s okay. I’ll be fine. I’ll have Addison put the results in an envelope and I _promise_ I won’t open it ’til you’re home.”

“Are you sure? We could try to reschedule?” You let out a light laugh, Addison was one of the top surgeons in the State, you were lucky she was a friend and was able to find time to treat you.

“Sonny, it’s fine. I promise. Her schedule’s packed. I’ll see you at home. I love you.”

“I love you more sweetheart.”

***  
Sonny raced home as fast as he could that evening, quite literally begging Olivia to be able to go, swearing that he’d finish the paperwork from there, or put in extra hours without pay later in the week. She laughed at his bribery offers, telling him to go celebrate with his wife. Coming into the apartment he saw your bag and shoes kicked off by the entry way, but not a light on in the main half of the house. He heard a faint music box-esque sound coming from the nursery, gently pushing open the door.

“Doll?” You barely glanced up at him, you were sitting on the floor where the crib would eventually be. A folded paper sat beside on the floor, you held Sonny’s favourite child hood bear in your hands. “Sweetheart. I’m not gonna be mad if you looked without me.” He joined you on the floor, a hand stroking across your knee, he noticed the glimmer of tears in your eyes, “What? Is it a boy? I know you really wanted a girl.” He said it with a soft smirk on his face, you could help but appreciate his little joke to try to cheer you up. You looked up at him, truly looked up at him, those baby blues transforming to a sense of worry as he took you in.

“It’s gone..” His face dropped as you convulsed in a sob, “I lost the baby…” Your voice was barely audible, as if you if you didn’t speak it into existence everything would be fine, everything would be normal and happy like it was supposed to be. Sonny tugged you into his lap, moving you with ease, tears escaping his own eyes as you looked up at him, “I’m _so_ sorry Sonny…I’m so sorry..so..” Your words disappeared into cries, feeling completely to blame for it.

“Hey…hey…” He soothed quietly, using the sleeve of his shirt to attempt to catch your tears, “It’s not your fault sweetheart.” He kissed your forehead, holding there for a moment, you could feel his tears dropping onto your skin.

“But…”

“Doll no…Nothing you did caused this okay?” You knew he was right, you were a nurse after all. But in those moments, seeing your husband just as devastated as you were, you had to do something, say something. Dominick was doing everything to stay strong, to be your rock and support you meanwhile he was doing the best to keep the breaking parts of his heart together with what felt like tissue paper when he needed super glue. He rocked you gently, rubbing your back, your arms tightly wound against him while tears continued to spill from both of your eyes for what felt like eternity. You sniffled, wiping your eyes with the back of your hands, daring to look up at him, lip quivering as you reached out to cup his cheek.

“I’m sorry…” He turned to kiss your palm.

“I’m sorry too…” He hated even more now that he wasn’t there for you at the hospital, that you’d been dealing with this grief alone all afternoon.

“I love you Sonny.” 

“I love you too sweetheart.” He leaned his forehead against yours, eyes nearly shut, taking a shuddering breath. “I’ll always love you. Don’t ever forget that.” He pressed a gentle kiss to your lips.

“I know…” You gave him the feeblest attempt of a smile, gasping in surprise when he moved to stand with you still in his arms. Carrying you to the living room he placed you down on the couch with overwhelming care, pulling the blanket off the back and wrapping it around you. He sat on the coffee table, hands linked in yours.

“I’ll order some take out,” A kiss to one of your hands, “We can drink some wine, cry more if we need to,” A kiss to the other, “And when we’re ready…we can talk about starting to try again.” A kiss to both of them, “Okay?”

“Okay…” Your smile was more genuine this time, leaning forward to press a light kiss to his lips. “I love you…”


End file.
